Pillars of long lasting relationship (Part one): COMMITMENT

8 Sep

Pillars of long lasting relationship (Part one): COMMITMENT
I have realized that no sooner than I think that I have met a great person that I can settle down with, a new exciting person appears who is better or more beautiful than the one I had seen. I start seeing weaknesses of my great person and they suddenly become familiar while the new person becomes exciting to be with. Unfortunately once I have become close to them then I realize that a better person than them exists and I cannot withstand their presence anymore and the cycle continues. This led to me to be inquisitive about great couples who have stayed with each other for more than twenty five years. How have they overcome familiarity and weaknesses of each other and remained together for years.
Great relationships take great work. The just do not happen. In my case studies on couples who have been married for more than twenty five years, there were some outstanding traits which were present in all those relationships. These traits are the values which have kept them glued to one another for such a prolonged time. In this article the focus will be one of the trait present in those great relationships. The trait which was amazing was the sense of commitment that the couples had towards each other. As a young person aspiring to have and be in a great relationship that will lead into marriage and not just marriage but marriage that lasts until death do us part, I have great interest in having a successful relationship. I therefore embrace don a journey to identify the values or pillars which held couples together till death separated them. Some of the relationship values which were upheld by this values included openness, trust, commitment, sense of gratitude and common interests.
In this article I will share about commitment and later discuss other traits in subsequent articles. Commitment is defined as an engagement or obligation that restricts freedom of action. Commitment is therefore dedication to a cause which comes with restrictions from pursuing other courses. In other words a committed person has chance and opportunities to be pursue and be engaged to other courses pursuits and objectives but makes a rational decision to pursue only one course of action. In relationships commitment can be seen as the ability or the choice/decision to restrict oneself to focus on and love and share affection with one person despite having opportunity to share life, affection and love with as many people as they are available. Commitment is a sense of self denial and self-regulation to love one person through thick and thin or for better and for worse. It is loving one person even when you know all their weaknesses. Commitment in relationship is loving that one person even when you do not feel like it. According to Dr. Gonye, a marriage counsellor based in Thika, Kenya, commitment to marriage is unique because it is a lifetime commitment unlike in other settings where it can be contractual. ‘Commitment takes more than just feelings as your mind, body and soul must be involved in commitment. Initially commitment in relationships is not easy but it eventually becomes automatic after continually deciding to commit.’ Commitment is very fulfilling as it provides a sense of security to the relationships and builds strong ties that last.’ Dr. Gonye says.
There is no great feeling of fulfilment than knowing that someone you love is by your side when you are at your lowest moment. The bad feelings that coming from familiarity are common in all relationships, it how you choose to handle them that determines whether you are committed or not. Every relationship must therefore be tested to determine whether there was commitment or not and relationships based on convenience do not withstand the test of commitment. This ingredient is not present in many relationships yet it is vital to the growth of any meaningful and fulfilling relationship. Decide to commit to that one person for better and for worse.
You can read more about pillars of long lasting relationships from my book co-written with a friend entitled ‘So You Want to Get Into Courtship.’ You can get it from all bookshops in Kenya or write us an emails at courtshipbooks@gmail.com, and we will deliver it to you wherever you are. You can also like our facebook page for relationship quotes; https://www.facebook.com/pages/So-You-Want-To-Get-Into-Courtship/249854101696789?ref=hl

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